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My kindergartner said when he's a parent, and his kid won't go to sleep, he will "cover their face with a mask with sleeping gas."

We told him you can't do that, it's illegal. He was confused and disappointed.

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We're currently entering a similar scenario to the collapse of USSR when US became the sole superpower making capitalism the dominant system in the world. US collapse will lead to China being the unchallenged power and communism becoming the dominant ideology.

Two weeks ago I installed a new dishwasher. While loading it the first time, I bumped my shin on the edge of it and got a pretty significant gash. Well, it just happened again, 2 inches from the previous spot.

Compartmentalize the various elements of our collective dystopia into manageable chunks of panic time.

It's an effort to depress testing and case numbers, as a political ruse. The problem is that sick people, hospitalizations, and deaths can't be as easily made invisible. This is a recipe for a nationwide disaster perpetrated by its leaders.

Trump is trying to kill us all.

I'm convinced Hasbro hires engineering dropouts to design these Transformers toys. They're just so bad. A 6 year old is supposed to be able to follow 30+ steps to turn Megatron into a tank??! And there are little pieces that get lost immediately, and it falls apart. It's just so bad.

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My 5 year old has squirreled away all of the pens from my desk. So now I'm writing "Paid" on my bills in crayon.

America, Liberia and Myanmar are the only countries on the planet that haven't adopted the metric system.

Shithole countries?

I didn't break it, the host had some sort of routing issue.

Zombie Reaganism. The notion that tax cuts are the only solution to every social or economic woe, regardless of situation. Over 30 million are unemployed, so they won't see this payroll tax cut at all, and many others are underemployed. Many retirees depend on Social Security and Medicare. This will be an economic bloodbath.

Which I guess zombies would like.

The projected U.S. death toll is larger than the number of Americans who died fighting during the Second World War, which claimed the lives of 291,557 U.S. soldiers 

I made my bowl of Fiber One look exactly like it does on the box, with blueberries in it.

It still tastes like cardboard.

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After buying TikTok , Microsoft immediately rebrands it to bring this exciting new market segment they have acquired in line with corporate identity guidelines.

I've been on a pretty serious diet for a month. I've increased from running 5K 2-3 times per week to 4.
As usual, I've lost no weight.

And now I'm sad.

A 1% drop in GDP is a recession. We called a 6.5% drop in GDP "The Great Recession". In 1929, we called a 15% drop in GDP "The Great Depression". What do we call a 33% drop in GDP?

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